HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD THAT YOU ARE TOO SENSITIVE?
If you’ve spent your life being told that you are “too sensitive”; if you find yourself bothered by things that most others don’t even seem to notice; if you are easily overstimulated and need a lot of solitude in order to recharge your battery; if violence or mean spiritedness of any kind is something you can barely even fathom, or if you often find yourself wanting to withdraw when life gets too fast, too loud or too busy, you may very well be an HSP (a highly sensitive person with high sensory perception). Being an HSP myself, I can tell you that I have often felt like I was dropped onto the wrong planet.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
If this rings true for you, you are not alone. Research is now indicating that as much as 15-20% of the population may be born with heightened senses (High Sensory Perception). Let me repeat this – your sensitivities may very well be as hard wired as your eye or skin color. In other words, you are not imagining things and you are not weak. You are not simply being “too sensitive”, you are experiencing life differently than others because of your neurological make up. The good news is that you get to choose whether or not you experience your sensitivity as a curse or as a blessing.
THERE’S MORE TO THE STORY THAN EMOTIONAL SENSITIVITY
While being an HSP certainly includes emotional sensitivity, there is much more to the story. As an HSP, many or all of your 5 senses may be extremely heightened. You may hear things others don’t hear. You may find ordinary smells offensive, you may not be able to stand the feel of certain fabrics against your skin, or you may be easily visually overstimulated. In addition to some or all of your 5 senses being heightened, you may even find that you have an unusually powerful “6th sense” (or a strong sensitivity to energy). If this is the case, as it is with me, you might find that you sometimes pick up the emotions of those around you (often without even knowing it), which can be very challenging and confusing until you know what you’re dealing with.
COMING OUT OF THE HSP CLOSET
With that in mind, I have decided to come out of the HSP closet and share some of my HSP experience with you. I do want to mention first though, that not all HSPs experience the same things. For instance, while I have a strong sensitivity to the energy of others, and my sense of hearing is extremely heightened (as are my sense of touch and taste), I am not at all sensitive to smells or temperatures and my husband jokes that he could replace my pillow with a rock and I would never notice. Go figure. I point this out because you may find that you are very sensitive in some areas, but not much at all in others. This does not mean you are not an HSP, it just means that you have your own unique make-up.
Having said that, here is just a little peak into the quirkiness of my own highly sensitive world. A world I’ve learned to embrace and have come to greatly appreciate.
I have the ears of a bat and I crave silence. Loud talkers make me want to run screaming from the room and I used to think they were intentionally trying to drive me crazy. I’m the person who walks into a restaurant and immediately asks the manager to turn down the music (a request that is often denied, by the way). I have a habit of asking my husband to keep his voice down in public because I think everyone in the room can hear our conversation, when in reality, he’s speaking in a normal voice. I’m constantly asked by others to speak up, not because I lack confidence, but because I sometimes forget that not everyone hears the way I hear.
I’m not fond of television for the most part. In addition, I avoid watching movies with any kind of violence or unkindness in them because they affect me so strongly. Commercials about starving children or abused animals cause me to leave the room and I refuse to watch the nightly newscasts, preferring instead to read my news in print. That way I can stay informed without having to endure my senses being assaulted over and over again with video clips of natural disasters, school shootings or terrorist attacks.
I avoid crowds whenever humanly possible. You won’t find me at parade or a theme park (although I’d be willing to go to Disney World if they agreed to shut it down just for me.) To enjoy a party, an evening of dancing, or a concert, I have to prepare myself well in advance. I also know it will take several days of quiet afterward for me to bring myself back into balance from the overstimulation. It’s not that I can’t ever put myself in these situations, it’s just that I have to be very selective about when, where and how, and I have to make sure it’s worth it.
I’m very sensitive to anything that touches my body. I prefer 100% cotton sheets, socks and towels. I cut the tags off of all my clothes and find it torturous to wear shoes. (You’ll find me barefoot anytime I can get away with it.) I don’t own a belt because I can’t stand to have something wrapped around my waist and, while I love jewelry, I won’t wear a necklace if it touches my skin.
I have a heightened sense of taste and am especially sensitive to textures. While this makes me really intuitive in the kitchen (I can often tell you what’s in a recipe just by taking a few bites) it also makes me a really picky eater who is easily grossed out. There’s not much middle of the road for me when it comes to food. I either love it or hate it (and often refuse to even try it), which doesn’t always make me the best dinner guest.
I’m visually overstimulated by car rides. I can’t say that my sense of sight is excellent, I wear contacts for astigmatism, but I do visually notice more of what’s going on around me than many people. For instance, I rarely carry on a conversation in a car because I’m too busy absorbing the sights around me. It’s not something I do intentionally, but my mind is so occupied by everything I’m passing on the road, that all my other abilities seem to shut down. It took my husband 5 years to realize that I’m not mad at him when we’re out for a drive; I’m just not talking because I’m taking everything in.
Clutter is unacceptable in my world. If my environment is cluttered, I’m unable to think of anything else until I get it cleared out and cleaned up. I’m constantly trying to simplify life and am easily irritated if I believe something has been made unnecessarily complicated. It would be fair to say that I like things well organized, and have been accused of alphabetizing the spices in my cupboard (not true, by the way, they’re organized according to color). I’ve been known to throw out a book if the author uses too many unnecessary words and when I think somebody is talking too much I silently scream “blah, blah, blah” in my head and attempt to leave my body. Yes, words can be clutter too.
If you hurt my feelings, I may withdraw for days or even weeks. This is not quite so true now as it was when I was younger, but I still process my feelings quite slowly. I’m not pouting; I’m just processing. I have a strong desire to get to the core of anything I have experienced and that sometimes can be time consuming.
I often pick up on the emotions of those around me. This can happen in line at the grocery store, a restaurant, my own home or anywhere else I encounter others. Sometimes I just sense another person’s energy and sometimes I actually feel their emotions myself (another reason I avoid crowds). It’s only recently that I have learned to tell the difference between what is mine and what I’m picking up from someone near me. Being hit, seemingly out of nowhere, with an emotion that isn’t mine can be quite confusing. It doesn’t happen every time I’m around others, but when it does happen it can be overwhelming. Thank God I’ve finally learned to ask myself “is this mine” and to release what isn’t.
I can be a bit of a slow talker. When asked a question, my answers often come quite slowly. My husband used to ask me a question and then end up answering it himself because I took so long to respond. Once again, this is not because I lack confidence, but because I’m searching for just the right words to express myself. It’s important to me that my own words are as true as possible. When you ask me a question, my brain starts searching for the most accurate answer and filtering through anything that doesn’t ring completely true for me. I could answer you much quicker, but I wouldn’t necessarily be satisfied with the accuracy of my words and that matters a lot to me. (By the way, this does not mean I’ve never told a lie in my life, but when I have, it’s been quite well thought out.)
THE BEAUTY OF LIFE AS AN HSP
While there are definite challenges to being (or living with) an HSP, I also want to share what is beautiful about us. It’s true that, at our worst (when we are fighting against our very nature) we can appear rigid, moody, anxiety ridden, unapproachable or withdrawn, but at our best (when we honor our sensitivity) we are kind, compassionate, highly intuitive, deeply appreciative of the simple things in life and incredibly insightful. As HSPs we experience life on very deep levels. A beautiful sunset, unnoticed by others, may take our breath away. A meaningful conversation or a kind gesture may move us to tears. We appreciate beauty in various forms – art, nature, music (quiet music for me), and the written word. Because we tend to pick up on the feelings of those around us so easily, we are usually very kind souls and while we have very little tolerance for anything we perceive as injustice, we also have the ability to see past surface behaviors and into the hearts of others. We feel our connections with others very strongly, even from a distance and, when we don’t shut our hearts down in order to protect ourselves, we very loving people.
EMBRACING OUR SENSITIVITY
The truth is that, while some may see our sensitivities as a weakness, I have come to understand how much strength it takes to be a Highly Sensitive Person in a not so sensitive world, and I have learned that the answer is not to resist our sensitivities, but to embrace them. If you believe you are an HSP, I encourage you to embrace your sensitivities and do whatever it takes to create a life that feels right to you. You have nothing to apologize for, there is nothing wrong with you and you are not on the wrong planet. Actually there is something quite right with you and you have a very important purpose to serve on this planet. As HSPs, I believe we are a lot like the canary in the coal mines. We may feel the “hits” (to our health and wellbeing) long before those who are less sensitive, but there is a message for all of humanity within our sensitivity. That message is that our world can be too fast, too noisy, too busy, too complicated, too dishonest, and often too unkind for its own good. It’s okay to slow down, simplify and say “no” to the craziness we see around us. We may never feel fully understood by even those we are closest to, but that’s okay. When we are true to ourselves and honor who we really are, when we have the courage to come out of the “HSP closet” and live our lives accordingly, we are modeling a more gentle way to be in this world. It is not the only way, but it is another way, and it is a way that deserves to be embraced.
If you are an HSP (or if there is an HSP in your life) please remember that being an HSP does not mean you fit neatly into any kind of a box, or anyone else’s definitions of what it means to have High Sensory Perception. Please know that your experience as an HSP may be different than even other HSPs in a lot of ways. Trust, honor and embrace your own uniqueness, even within the HSP world and commit to being true to yourself. You are not here to necessarily fit in. Fitting in is highly overrated by the way, and you are here for a much higher purpose. You are here to fully express who you are. Embrace that!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go sit in silence for a while and recharge my battery.
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DO YOUR SENSITIVITIES MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE ON THE WRONG PLANET?
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