A Reflection on a Leap of Faith

Leaps of faith- it seems like my whole year has been riddled with them.  It’s probably been a big highlight in your lives too.  How incredibly terrifying and humbling to step out over the void and jump.  To look the universe and yourself in the eyes and trust that your team will not let you fall.  And how beautiful to know our guides breathe a sigh of relief when we do so… because hey, now we are getting somewhere.

Besides my incredible leaps of faith with my love life, I had to trust that I knew best for myself.  Funny thing about that is that you kind of need to know who you are.  That question, “Who are you?” knocked me on my ass quite a few times this year.  I had this silly notion that other people could live true to themselves, but that it was an elusive thing for me.  I had myself pegged to stay in my socially acceptable box for the rest of my life.  That is until I was forced to break out of it.  It wasn’t even an option to contain myself anymore.  I had to gain my freedom, and I had to trust that I knew exactly how to do it.

So I went back to roots, the road trip.  To me, the road trip is a sacred thing.  It’s when the universe collides with you and takes you on a trip that you couldn’t plan.  I needed that act of ceremony, of searching with myself.  I can’t tell you how many times people looked at me bewildered when I said I was by myself.  Out of all the people I interacted with during my two week road trip, two people understood that I needed to be alone.  Why are we so afraid to be alone with ourselves?  Do we fear to break down the walls our mind makes to our heart?  Are we worried that at the end of it all we won’t like ourselves?  Or perhaps are we afraid of the beauty and greatness we will find there?

Even with the questions and warnings about traveling alone, I left.  I left to be with myself.  I left to find myself.  I left in order to put myself in the way of beauty.  I left in order to be on that oh so elusive (but is it really?) path.

I traveled all across the west.  I was greeted by animals.  I marveled at the beauty of this sprawling country.  I felt sacredness saturate my bones in the Badlands.  I stood in awe at the towering mountains of Montana.  I reached into my heart and found courage at Mount Rainier.  I came to the realization that California had been making me sick.  I felt my heart fall wide open in the great chasm of the Grand Canyon.

I found myself by comparing who I was to such grand landscapes.  To be lost in nature is truly a blessing.  To feel that connection, that heart beat that beats within everything on this planet, humbles you and raises you to a height never imagined.

“Who are you?” isn’t scary anymore.  I am all of these things.  I am the sprawling Milky Way above our precious planet.  I am the carver of the Grand Canyon, carving my heart in the same fashion.  I am the eagle blessing my morning ritual in Montana.  I am the old man who blessed my journey while we watched the sun set on the lake.

I am everything.  I am you.  You are me.  We are ONE.

And isn’t that just fucking beautiful.

http://gaiablooming.com/a-reflection-on-a-leap-of-faith/

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A Reflection on a Leap of Faith